My husband and I are going through massive changes in our businesses this year. We've taken a huge leap of faith into the unknown. We are moving the clinic to a smaller location that will allow me to streamline and focus on what I love most - service.
But, it's been terrifying to let go of what I know. To not keep the trappings of 'success', of everything I've fought, cried, and bled for.
I'm scared. I'm definitely scared, but darling, I feel free.
I walk through our pastures in the morning, listening to Bowie, watching the sunshine twinkle at me through the trees.
I watch my gorgeous dogs prance through the wildflowers that dot our fields.
I play the piano when it strikes my fancy.
Sometimes, I grab my bike and race Pepper and Ziggy, darting through the trees.
I'm joyous. In spite of the struggles that come up every day, and how hard my mind fights me in my happiness in the moment - I can finally say I can consistently feel joy.
For all my people, you lovely, hurting souls who are in such pain and wonder if fighting is worth it. This poem is my answer to you.
Tango With Fear
The push-pull between frantic heartbeat
and exhilaration -
I'm going to fall. I know it.
The ground looms:
dark, Dirty failure
The impetus to stillness becons
The call to mediocrity.
My valiant heart,
that gorgeous, bruised thing
What the hell. I've fallen before.
Let's do it again.
and She leaps into Fear's arms
and they tangle in a Tango
(there's some biting)
But oh, the glorious moments come
and that gorgeous, bruised heart swings,
Swept up in a cloud of YES.
grin wide as the Grand Canyon.
PS: Have you done the tango with fear? What's been your experience? Let me know.