What To Do with Pain that Never Goes Away

A wise man once said, "if you're going through hell, keep going." (W. Churchill).

Don't stop going.

I know it hurts.

In fact, it's probably the most pain you've gone through up to now.

Try to hold your pain, and your anger, and the frustration that it's not going away.

Just...hold it.

Sit there, and hold it.

That's hard. I know that's hard. I struggle with it too.

I want to lash out. Distract myself. Cry.

I sit paralyzed, anguishing over these thoughts and feelings.

For me, they're mostly feelings. For you, it might be words you hear in your head.

What I'm trying to say is:

It may never go away.

The feelings may never go away.

There may always be a part of you that thinks you're a piece of shit.

That says, 

"I don't deserve to be happy."

"I'll never get better."

"Nobody loves me."

"I don't love me."


"You'll never be successful."

"Everyone is laughing at you."

Here's the secret:

That's not the only voice.

That is absolutely not the only voice that you have inside your head.

So, that's the practice: recognizing, sitting there, and holding the mean voices.

And then knowing that there's another voice, somewhere.

Just take the first step to recognize that.

Because with practice, one day, you're going to hear the other voice. The voice that knows who you really are.

That you're not all bad. 

Sometimes that other voice will speak up, and it will say "Okay, I hear you. I'm here too."

"I'm worthy."

"I exist."

See, the thing is, I now know that because I exist, I am loved. Period.

You may never have felt that love from your mother. Or were never capable of receiving it from your partner or family.

Until you find that voice, and you hear that voice, and honor that voice, you're not going to believe.

You're not going to believe other people when they tell you they love you. You can't.

So, the next time the mean voice speaks up, or you get bad feelings, just hold that space.

It may feel like you're going to burst. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done.

Just keep going.